The Marauders: Origins
by dizzyizzy123
Summary: How the Marauders REALLY came into possession of the Map and manages to turn in Animagi. Involves Sue! lampooning.
1. Chapter 1

_This was written after seeing so many _Exchange Student Sues! _and _Marauder Sues!_ This is my lampoon of such _Sues! _If you write _Sues!_, please take no offense. Some actually enjoy _Sues!_ I confess that I too once wrote a _Sue! _but I learned from my mistakes. Please enjoy._

_Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter,etc. etc. I am just a weird person who writes/reads fan fiction. We all are._

CHAPTER ONE  
It was dinner time at Hogwarts and the Great Hall was filled with students enjoying a quiet supper. Over at the Gryffindor table, a group of fifteen year old boys who would later be known as the Marauders were speaking in hushed tones over a meal of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

"I think I almost did it," James was saying as he tucked into his meal. Through a mouthful of potatoes, he said, "I definitely felt something. Like, a transformation."

"What you felt was the piss in your pants as Filch nearly discovered us," said Sirius, bored of James' incessant need to go on and on about how he _almost_ transformed into an animal. The boys had been trying to learn how to become Animagi so that they could accompany their friend Remus when he transformed into a werewolf every full moon. So far, none of them had managed to complete the feat. Sirius turned his attention to Peter, who was supposed to be the lookout on Wednesday nights.

"Why didn't you tell us Filch was coming?" hissed Sirius. "He almost caught us!"

"I'm sorry," whispered back Peter. "I thought I saw him go into the Charms corridor but then he came out behind that suit of armor."

"It's not your fault, Peter," said Remus as he took a sip of his pumpkin juice. "Filch knows all sorts of secret passage ways that no one else does."

"We need some sort of map," said James as he took a bite of his meatloaf. "Something that can show us _all _of Hogwarts, including the secret passageways."

Remus slammed his fist down on the table, startling a few of the first years sitting nearby. "That's it! We'll make a map that shows all of Hogwarts _and_ the people so we can know when it's safe to sneak out."

"But when will we do that?" protested Peter. He looked around and lowered his voice. "It's hard enough trying to learn to be an Animagi; now you want us to create an enchanted map."

"We should focus on one thing first," agreed James. "First, let's make the map and then learn how to be Animagi. That's what we need the map for anyway."

Lupin nodded his head and looked to Sirius for his opinion when he realized his friend's attentions were else where.

"What is it?" asked Remus. Sirius cocked his head to Headmaster Dumbledore who was standing up in his seat, waiting to make an announcement. Everyone quickly noticed him and a hush fell over the room. Albus Dumbledore cleared his throat and then spoke.

"I regret to interrupt your dinners but I have an important announcement to make. I have just been informed that our exchange student from Beauxbatons has arrived."

Students immediately began to whisper and murmur at the sound of this news. James, Sirius, and Peter all turned to Remus, who was frowning, for answers. As one of the prefects, Remus was expected to know what the administration was doing before any of the other students.

"I didn't know we were still having exchange students," said Remus to himself. "_Still?_" asked the three other boys at once. "We were going to do the program," explained Remus. "And the new student was _supposed_ to have come at the beginning of term but she got sick and so it was cancelled but-"

He was interrupted by Dumbledore's pleas for silence. The Hall obliged, knowing Dumbledore would answer all the questions they had.

"I know many of you are surprised that you did not know of this program," said Dumbledore. "But Hogwarts had chosen to participate in an exchange student program with Beauxbatons Academy, in order to foster feelings of magical community. We at Hogwarts were supposed to have sent Miss Sandra Corrigan of Ravenclaw over to Beauxbatons but the program was delayed when Beauxbatons' designated transfer student Mademoiselle Morhange had fallen ill with a case of dragon pox. Because we thought the program fell through, we did not feel it was necessary to inform you of it or send Miss Corrigan over to France. Fortunately, an alternate student has been found and so Miss Corrigan _can_ complete her fifth year at Beauxbatons if she chooses to. Without any further ado, I now present Miss Delacroix of Beauxbatons!"

The doors to the side entrance of the Great Hall opened and a beautiful fifteen year old French girl appeared through the doorway. The Hall was silent as they watched the girl approach the front of the Hall and stand quietly, reveling in all of the attention. She was tall, with raven black locks rolling down her back and wearing light blue silk robes and an amulet around her neck. She had a heart shaped face with intense cobalt blue eyes framed by long eyelashes. Her full lips were tinted pink and curved into a smile.

In the background, Argus Filch emerged from the side door too, carrying the Sorting Hat and a three legged stool. The girl smiled kindly at him and then faced the students again.

"What's he sorting her for?" whispered Sirius to Remus, who replied, "What do you think? They've got to Sort her so they know where she belongs. They've got a different house system at Beauxbatons."

Filch set the stool down and the girl sat down, smoothing her blue silk robes. He then placed the Hat on her head and everyone stayed quiet as they waited to find out which house she would belong to. Finally, the Hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

The whole Gryffindor table clapped enthusiastically as the girl made her way towards them, never taking her eyes off of James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. The boys were thrilled that the beautiful new girl decided to sit with them, but it meant their discussion would have to be put on hold until they could be alone again.

"Hello there," said Sirius to the girl, prepared to flirt. The girl smiled at him and opened her mouth to speak.

" CarmichaelSpanxDelacroix," said the girl in a shrill, squeaky voice that did not match her otherwise perfect self.

The boys stared at her.

"Er, do you mind repeating that?" asked Remus, trying to be polite. "I said," said the girl. "My name is Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix."

Again, the boys stared at her.

"Do you mind if we just call you Serenity?" asked James, who was looking down the table to see if Lily Evans was watching him talk with Serenity. Sadly, she wasn't. Frustrated, James mussed his hair as Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix took the seat next to Peter.

"No, go ahead," chirped Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix. "What are your names?"

"Well, I'm Sirius," said Sirius, pointing to himself. "That's James and Remus and Peter right there."

Peter waved tentatively at Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix who wrinkled her nose as if she had suddenly smelled something bad.

"So, how was your trip?" asked Remus. "To Hogwarts, I mean?"

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix's smile faltered and she suddenly looked very sad. She buried her face in her hands and her shoulders began to shake with quiet sobs.

"What is it?" asked Peter, concerned. Since he was sitting right next to Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, he put a hand on her shoulder. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix flinched and shook off Peter's hand.

"Oh, it's nothing," she said, sniffing. "It's just that...Right before term started, my parents died in a horrible accident."

"Oh, that's awful," said Remus. "How did they die?"

"Murder," said Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix. A perfect tear slid down her cheek and she buried her face into her hands again. Not knowing what to do, Peter decided to try to pat Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix gently on her perfect back.

"Please don't touch me," she snapped at him. Peter withdrew his hand, as if he had been burned. Noticing the confused looks on the other boys' faces, Serenity hastily explained.

"I don't like to be touched," she said. "After my parents died, I had to move in with my horrible aunt and uncle and they've always hated me for being a witch. Especially since I decided to go to Beauxbatons instead of Durmstrang-"

"I know what you mean," said Sirius, patting Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix on her hand. "My parents are complete arses about me being in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. They think my brother-"

"Yes, I know," said Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix sweetly. "But we're talking about me now, Sirius."

Sirius stared at her and then at her neck. The amulet she was wearing around her neck was emitting a faint blue glow.

"Is your-is your necklace _glowing_?" asked Sirius incredulously. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix looked down and let out a happy giggle.

"Oh, that old thing," she said, smiling fondly down at it. "My grandmother gave it to me because I'm the most adorable and beautiful and caring and delightful and elfish and funny and great and holy and intelligent and just and kind and lovely and marvelous and nice and outrageous and perfect and quirky and ravishing and smart and terrific and upbeat and versatile and wonderful and xylophone and youthful and zany girl in the world. Also, I'm the princess of Astoria and it's one of the many royal jewels I'll be in possession of. "

"You're a princess? Of Astoria?" repeated James slowly. "_The_ princess," emphasized Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix. The boys all exchanged looks. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix suddenly did not seem like an ordinary beautiful exchange student. She seemed like something more and whatever it was, they wanted no part in it.

"I'm also half veela, half elf, half glitter, half hippogriff, half fairy, and half human!" chirped Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Half hippogriff?" asked Sirius, his brow furrowed.

"Half fairy?" wondered James.

"Half _glitter_?" repeated Peter, confused.

"Wait," said Remus, holding his hand up. "How can you be half of-" He stopped to count on his fingers. "Six things? You're actually_ one-sixth_ veela, elf, glitter, hippogriff, fairy, and human."

"That's what I meant," giggled Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix. There was an awkward pause.

"Well... erm...yes," coughed Remus. "We all have a bit of homework to finish up-"

"I'll come with you," said Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, tossing her black hair over her shoulder. She prepared to stand up.

"No!" shouted James. A few people looked at him funny. He lowered his voice. "I mean, finish your dinner. We'll see you around. Come on!"

The boys sped off so fast to the Gryffindor common room that they actually left past apparitions of themselves.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

It was that night that Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus decided that Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, however how beautiful, was crazy and they needed to stay the hell away from her.

Unfortunately, Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix insisted on being their friend and following them around everywhere. She was not dissuaded by the polite talks Remus gave her, the politely worded letters from Peter, the illustrations (with captions!) by James, and the not so politely worded letters from Sirius.

This meant that James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius had to work extra hard to avoid not only Filch, but Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix during their evening attempts to become Animagi.

One night, Jame and Sirius were carefully going over the book they stole from the restricted section that explained how to become an Animagus. Remus and Peter were acting as lookouts, watching for any sign of teachers, Filch, or worse: Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix.

"Damn!" hissed James as he snapped the book shut in frustration. "This book is so vague about how to do it."

Sirius rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. "Maybe we should look for another book-"

"But there isn't one!" argued Peter, taking his eyes off the hallway. Remus looked mournfully back at his friends. His face was too pale and haggard looking for a fifteen year old boy.

"Maybe we should just give up," he said quietly. "No way!" said James fiercely. "We're just not trying hard enough. We'll get it soon!"

"Get what soon?" asked a new voice. The boys turned and inwardly groaned. It was Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix.

"Get what soon?" she repeated, fixing her blue eyes on all of the boys. They shifted their feet nervously. Sirius made to hide the book under his robes but Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix crossed the room quickly and took it from him. She flipped through the pages and smiled serenely at him.

"Are you all trying to become Animagi?" she asked.

"Er, sort of," admitted James. "Then let me help!" exclaimed Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix.

"How?" asked Peter, confused. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix gave him a withering glance and gestured to her amulet.

"My necklace has amazing powers," she explained. "I'll I have to do is chant a spell and you'll all become Animagi!"

"Just like that?" asked Remus warily. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, there is one condition," she said.

"What?" asked Sirius. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix smiled.

"I want to come with you guys on full moons," she announced. Remus paled. "How did you know?" he asked in a fearful whisper. Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix strode over to him and place a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I won't tell your secret. Just let me come with you on full moons. I love adventure."

The boys all exchanged looks. They had been working for months and none of them had come close to turning into any animal. If Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix could change that...Well, it was a small price to pay. The boys all looked to Remus for the final decision.

"Well," he said slowly. "If you can really do it-"

"Perfect!" exclaimed Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix. She pulled James, Sirius and Peter into a circle around her and lifted her arms into the air.

"Oh amulet, giveth me-eth the power-eth to-eth giveth these-eth boys-eth to turn-eth into-eth Animagi!" she chanted. She clapped her hands once and a bright blue light issued from her amulet that showered James, Sirius, and Peter. Then, the light faded and all was normal.

"Did it work?" asked James. Remus shrugged. "I dunno. Try to transform." James, Sirius, and Peter shrugged their shoulders at each other and concentrated. Quickly, they transformed into a stag, a dog, and a rat, respectively.

They stared at each other in their animal forms as Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix clapped in delight. Remus dropped his jaw in surprise. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Now turn back!"

At once, James, Sirius, and Peter were back to normal. "I can't believe it!" squealed Peter. "We did it! We actually did it!"

"Don't wet yourself," said Sirius coolly but even he could not hide his excitement. "So now that you're Animagi," said Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, taking out her wand. "We need something to keep an eye on everyone."

She flicked her wand and mumbled a few nonsensical spells and a blank piece of parchment appeared in the air. She took it and handed it to James.

"What is this?" asked James. "It's an enchanted map," explained Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix. "It'll show everyone and everything at Hogwarts. Even secret passageways"

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix explained how to use it. Despite themselves, the boys were so impressed with Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix that even when she insisted that they now referred to themselves as the "Marauders" and the map as the "Marauder's Map", they allowed it.

"So now I get to come with you when Remus transforms into a werewolf, right?" asked Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix.

"Of course," said Remus. "If you're an Animagus too, then I don't see why not."

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix smiled and looked down at her amulet. The she frowned.

"I used all the power in my amulet," she said, sounding downhearted. Peter patted her on the back. "That's alright," he said. "You can learn the old fashioned way. With lots and lots of hard work."

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix's eye twitched at the thought.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix skipped to the Gryffindor common room from the library, ecstatic. She had finally figured it out! She couldn't wait to tell Sirius and the others that she finally managed to turn herself into an animal!

The common room was empty, save for her new friends sitting on the overstuffed armchairs talking, most likely about how adorable and beautiful and caring and delightful and elfish and funny and great and holy and intelligent and just and kind and lovely and marvelous and nice and outrageous and perfect and quirky and ravishing and smart and terrific and upbeat and versatile and wonderful and xylophone and youthful and zany she was.

"Hey you guys!" she chirped. "Guess what? I can do it! I can turn myself into an animal!"

Despite themselves, the newly formed Marauders were impressed. "Well, go on," said Sirius. "Show us."

Pleased at all the attention, Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix screwed her eyes up in concentration and transformed into a pure white unicorn. After a few moments, she transformed back to her human state and awaited the glorious praise from her friends.

However, instead of clamoring about how adorable and beautiful and caring and delightful and elfish and funny and great and holy and intelligent and just and kind and lovely and marvelous and nice and outrageous and perfect and quirky and ravishing and smart and terrific and upbeat and versatile and wonderful and xylophone and youthful and zany she was, the Marauders exchanged glances and looked to Remus to speak for them. "Well, Serenity," he coughed. "Not that being a unicorn Animagus isn't impressive...it's just that it's a little too conspicuous. I mean, we're trying to transform into animals that wouldn't be noticed."

"What are you saying?" asked Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, her perfect brow furrowed

"We're saying that you can't come with us on full moons," blurted Sirius. "You understand, of course, "added Remus hurriedly. "A unicorn sort of stands out in the full moon. And we appreciate all of your help, of course, but we just don't think you should come with us."

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix was quiet for a moment and lowered her head. A perfect tear slid down her cheek. Suddenly, the boys felt guilty.

"Serenity, we didn't mean to hurt your feelings-" began James when he was interrupted.

"_YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO, NOW DID YOU POTTER? YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT MY FEELINGS? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?_" screeched Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix, taking all of the Marauders aback. "_AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU? I GAVE YOU MY AMULET SO YOU CAN MAKE YOUR STUPID MAP AND I COACHED YOU EVERY NIGHT ON HOW TO BECOME ANIMAGI! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I GAVE UP FOR YOU? I COULD'VE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH LEGOLAS BY NOW BUT NO, I CHOSE TO HELP YOU SO THAT ONE OF YOU _(EXCEPT FOR PETER) _COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH ME! I SPENT ALL THIS TIME TRYING TO GET YOU PEOPLE TO LIKE ME AND YOU SAY I CAN'T GO WITH YOU ON FULL MOONS? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I AM? WHAT POWERS I HAVE? WHAT I CAN DO?"_

Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix stamped her foot on the floor so hard that she exploded in a puff of glitter and sparkles.

The Marauders stared at the spot where Serenity Ashley Jennifer Serena Laura Legolas Carmelita Deletrius Raven Fyre Carmichael Spanx Delacroix had been standing in silence.

Finally, James spoke.

"Let's pretend this never happened and take credit for the Marauder's Map ourselves."

The other boys looked at one another.

"Sounds good to me," shrugged Sirius. "Let's go get dinner," suggested Remus.

THE END


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